In her compelling new work, “Failures of Forgiveness: What We Get Wrong and How to Do Better,” Myisha Cherry elevates the discourse on personal dignity and the nuanced journey of forgiveness, with a poignant focus on the experiences of Black women. Cherry, an associate professor of philosophy at the University of California, Riverside, and the director of the Emotion and Society Lab, challenges societal pressures to forgive, advocating instead for a process she terms “radical repair.”
Radical repair, Cherry explains, is a deep, thoughtful endeavor aimed at addressing the underlying causes of hurt. Unlike the swift, superficial attempts at reconciliation often seen, this method emphasizes the importance of time, investment, and collaborative effort to truly mend broken ties. Cherry’s critique extends to the societal penchant for urging immediate forgiveness from those wronged, particularly pointing out the unfair burden this places on Black women, who are frequently pushed towards accepting insincere apologies without genuine resolution.
Cherry’s analysis reveals a culture obsessed with quick fixes and the avoidance of discomfort, leading to what she describes as “superficial” or “thrifty” repairs. These half-measures fail to acknowledge the depth of the pain inflicted, especially in instances of police brutality or racial violence, where the survivors, often Black women, are rushed into public forgiveness. The true path to healing, Cherry argues, lies in acknowledging everyone’s role in the process of repair, fostering genuine dialogue, and rejecting societal inclinations to prioritize peace over the well-being of the victim.
Moreover, Cherry delves into the damaging impact of the “strong Black woman” stereotype, highlighting how this image not only burdens Black women with the expectation to endure but also grants others impunity to inflict harm. The book addresses the complexities of navigating forgiveness within familial contexts as well, where silence is often chosen over confrontation to maintain peace, albeit at the cost of ongoing suffering.
Through “Failures of Forgiveness,” Cherry calls for a reevaluation of our approach to forgiveness and reconciliation, urging a shift from expedience to empathy. She emphasizes the importance of truly engaging with the messiness of human relationships and the necessity of a commitment to healing that goes beyond mere words.
This groundbreaking book not only sheds light on the intricate dynamics of forgiveness but also empowers Black women to reclaim their autonomy in defining the terms of their healing journey. Cherry’s work is a clarion call for patience, support, and a deeper understanding of the transformative power of genuine forgiveness.
“Failures of Forgiveness: What We Get Wrong and How to Do Better” is a must-read, offering insightful guidance on navigating the complexities of forgiveness with grace, dignity, and, most importantly, on one’s own terms.